Monday May 16, 2011

Life Skills

Parenting Made Easy

Start every decision with your core values

Submitted by Mimi Nelson, Life Skills Coach

 

he lunch bell had gone and I showed up in her classroom door. As soon as my daughter saw me, she hung her head. What a sweet soul, I thought as I walked over to her. Only 7 years old when her great-grandmother passed away and moving through the midst of her father’s and my divorce, she was looking stressed earlier in the day when I had let her know she had the morning of her school day to decide if she was going to the funeral. Now it was lunch time and I needed to know what her decision was as the time had been set at 1:30.

I leaned against the desk in front of her briefly wondering if I’d get out of the tiny desk if I attempted to sit all the way down. She gave me a bit of a grin when I asked her what her choice had been. I was surprised when she didn’t just give the answer; proud to realize she was giving me her rationale for the decision first.

“I made my decision based on my values, Mom.”

It took me a moment to realize the values poster we had made and hung in her room was having an impact.

“I didn’t think God would mind either way if I went. Dad doesn’t want me to go and you don’t mind either way. But I think Grandma and Grandpa would like to know that I cared and so I want to go for them,” she stated.

So succinct and yet so powerful was her decision she didn’t even bat an eye. It had taken her to value #3 (family) to make the decision as #1 was God and #2 was her parents. (I would put herself above her parents if I were to do it again…lesson learned.) She was sure of her choice and lived it with every bit of strength she had. I left her in the bathroom to change into a dress I had brought for her in case her choice was yes and we were on our way.

Have you taken the time to walk through your own core values? Making decisions becomes much easier when you know what is most important to you. Let me share mine with you. It might give you some ideas to start your own list.

  • Connections – with my Creator/Source/God (whatever label you choose makes no difference), myself, my partner, my kids, my family, friends, business team and then the world at large.

  • Education – not to be confused with schooling, I pay attention to lessons about people, mother earth and anything else that interests me.

  • Business – learning and growing as a business woman provides my talents and purpose a home…the money provides my children a home!

  • Freedom – being able to choose my friends, town, daily activities is extremely important to me.

  • Adventure/Fun – enjoying my own life, watching my children grow and full out belly laughing is an absolute daily must for me.

  • The best place to start in determining your own true core values is to ask yourself these two questions:

    A. If ALL my bills were paid and there was no other financial obligation, what would I do with $200 left over in the month?

    B. If ALL my chores, duties and work were done and there was no further time obligations, what would I do with 5 hours I had alone on the weekend?

    Have fun with it! Watching my children set up their values and changing them as their understanding of life changes, makes my parenting job easier in the long run as they’ll know how to make the best choices for themselves based on their own values…not mine. That will last them way past my influence on them!!

    If you still need a hand with your core values or want to test them out, give Mimi a call or email for a free 30 minute discovery session as her gift to you. Phone 604-791-1628 or email her here.

    About Mimi Nelson

    Coming from an upbringing mostly in her grandparents home and a strict fundamentalist Christian church, Mimi broke away from religion to remembering who she is through a knowing of the Love of the universe. While every aspect of life changed in that moment, it became apparent many beliefs about family, relationships, careers and religion no longer served her anyway.

    "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin

    Reading books by Dr. Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra and Oriah gave her permission to re-examine these beliefs in a safe forum. She is now good friends with both of her ex-husbands as they all share a house together so the children still have both their parents under the same roof! If you think that was an easy process, ask her about the 2 years of hell she went through before realizing she had the power to change her own attitude.

    Fast forward 10 years and many tears along the way, Mimi has successfully guided and coached many men and women through divorce and separation without hating their ex-spouse, how to guide and mentor teens as they move to adulthood and give people permission to be great on their own terms.

    Mimi lives in Chilliwack, British Columbia, Canada and enjoys walking and hiking in nature, hand crafting such as cross stitch and hitting the theatre for a good comedy!

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