Wednesday January 26, 2011
The Coach's Corner
How childhood trauma can affect your success as an adult
he Voice welcomes Jack Bass who will be giving us the benefit of his many years experience as personal growth and development instructor. Jack's focus will be on how we can improve ourselves and our interactions within the business community.
This Week: How your childhood affects interactions as an adult.
I begin the coaching sessions (after background and introduction) by seeking to have the client identify the issues that are holding him/her back from success. We have already agreed that success is our destination and this means personal as well as business success.
Here is the opening question only you can answer;
What are the three biggest disappointments in your life?
We will now seek to identify how you integrated those traumatic events in your life by asking the follow-up questions;
How did you feel when that happened?
How do you feel about that today?
What is the result of those feelings?
Trauma events generally come forward as childhood events and have to be confronted in order to commit to resolution.
For a very practical example look at the recent movie; The King's Speech. King George V1 began to stutter at age 4 or 5 . He never completely got past the stutter but therapy led him to most of the way. Until he confronted the source of the problem, he had no way of dealing effectively. He had received verbal abuse as a child and continued torment because of his stuttering.
That torment did not end when his father died. Until he confronted his demons he was unaware of the damage childhood wounds had effected.
In the same way, issues with your upbringing — even issues you may dismiss because they were in your childhood effect you today. Children idolize their parents and in the case of physical abuse, attribute god-like characteristics to their actions. As a child if you were continually told " You're Stupid " or " You will never amount to anything , just like your father " you tend to accept that message as true and accurate. You/he/she may become quite successful as an adult, but still deal with others with the feeling that they are stupid and that they must strive daily to achieve success. Their relationships with others are then colored by the belief in their weakness and need to succeed.
Striving for success becomes all consuming but failing to identify the true reason for your actions and attitudes dooms the effort. The sacrifice of relationships and family follows and results in rupture or dissatisfaction. Damaged persons enter into relationships with that damage and the relationship cannot be completely successful unless the trauma is recognized and addressed.
Some issues are rather quickly resolved when the client has the source of their present day attitudes and biases made clear. Others may find trauma such as physical or sexual abuse are issues that require long-term therapy for resolution.
Recent articles say that more than 60% of employees regard their direct report (boss) as a difficult person. Limited progress (for the boss) can be made with training sessions that focus on a more pleasant voice, positive reinforcement and the need for working as a team.
Deep-seated issues won't be resolved only with those workshops and in many cases my own workshops on those subjects resulted in the " unchanged " being removed because they are identified as toxins in the workplace. In most cases however, it is the staff that have to learn to put up with the boss or leave.
This is the truth of our economy — the person with the power does not have to change and in most cases has to be accommodated.
How difficult is change? Change — even minor change — represents a level of difficulty for all of us. We have a comfort zone and we are comfortable with things exactly as they are — even in situations such as a boss who is difficult or sales that are falling. I have had clients refuse to change although the business was on the verge of failing. The disruption to their patterns of thinking or action was more frightening then the continuing losses to their own bank account.
More difficult yet are confronting the patterns which harm our personal relationships. Couple fall into a pattern of denial. There is nothing wrong or what is a strain is endured because the fear of a change — or loss of the relationship altogether is thought to be a greater problem.
About Jack Bass
Jack A. Bass, B.A. LL.B is one of Canada's foremost business and lifestyle coaches. Jack's education includes degrees in Economics and Law. He has completed (graduating at the top of his class) the securities course as part of a large American retail broker. His public service work includes the roles as government advisor to Native Indian Bands as well as being the administrator to one of the largest First Nations in British Columbia Canada. He has also served as the Executive
Director for non-profits seeking to develop downtown business/retail cores and for community organizations lending to high-risk business start-ups.
He has worked with a variety of small and medium sized firms to help develop employee performance in addition to working with individuals to help them realize their own great potential.
His books are published by Collier Macmillan including:
"How to make Real Money in Real Estate" and "How to Send Your Money out to Work"
For more information on the coaching sessions contact Jack by e-mail here or visit his website at: www.jackbassteam.com
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