Feature Story                                                                                            Friday, February 28, 2014

 

Once Upon a Time in Chilliwack

Three of Canada's top comics had patrons roaring last week at Comedy Night

Staff/Voice photos

 

The many faces of comedian Charlie Demers during Comedy Night at the Coast Hotel last Saturday. Below, Jeffery Yu talks about dating.

 

hey say that a good joke consists of three things audience, timing and the comedian, oh, and of course some funny faces always help.

 

Last Saturday, three of Canada's top comedians; Jeffery Yu, Kevin Banner and rubber-faced Charlie Demers brought their acts to the Coast Hotel's Rosedale Room courtesy of  UrbanXperience Events and Entertainment.

According to Bobbi Block from UrbanXperience, it was a great turnout, and despite it being the first gig in Chilliwack for the Abbotsford company, they managed to fill the room Saturday with about 100 people who came looking for comedy gold and found a goldmine.

 

Jeffery Yu was first up to bat.

 

"If you're a guy and you go with a girl to a restaurant, you never use a coupon," quipped Yu, who also emceed.
 

He described a situation where a couple goes out for breakfast after a date the night before and they sit there eyeballing each other.

 

"She's like looking at the guy thinking 'He loves me', and he's looking at her and thinking 'What happened to her face? She had one last night and now she's got no eyebrows. They were there. What was she in a fire and they were singed off?"
 

Yu made some observations about Chilliwack.

 

"Is Chilliwack a multi-cultural place? I'm not feeling it," he said. "Who's that Chinese guy? Oh, he's the waiter."
 

He said the last time he came out to Chilliwack he was approached by a guy covered in muscles.

"Hey, is your first name F@#k?" demanded the man. "F#^k Yu."

Charlie Demers wowed crowds with some great stand-up humor. Below, Kevin Banner jokes about his weight.

 

"Thanks," he said. "Please don't rape me. This is my girlfriend Pussy Chopsticks and we're playing Pai Gow right now."
 

When Kevin Banner took centre stage he talked about what he calls "fat guy discrimination".

 

"I was on the Skytrain the other day and someone on the train farted. Everybody on the train looked at me. Well, it was me, but how dare they. The assumed. That's bullying. We're trying to put an end to bullying. Haven't you read the paper? It's in there. It's a big issue, especially in school and people don't talk about the long-term consequences associated with bullying. Like personally, I think I wouldn't be so heavy if it wasn't for bullying because I took a lot of lunch money in my day. I didn't realize you could spend it on other stuff, right? But I was obligated to buy those hoagies."

 

Banner said he wasn't sure he was going to make it to Chilliwack.

 

"On Monday I was in the hospital with kidney stones. I've had to pee through a strainer every day since Tuesday, so don't come over for spaghetti," he said adding "I actually like chicken pot pies not in that order."

 

He also spoke about smoking marijuana.

 

"I also like to smoke pot. Some of my friends won't smoke pot with me, but some of my friends will smoke pot with me. Some of them say it's not a drug. It's natural, it grows in soil with rain under the sun. It's beautiful. Which is nice in theory, but in actuality, its grown in a basement suite with tin foil over the windows, in plastic buckets filled with fertilizer under a heat lamp the way nature intended it."

"I got into a little bit of trouble with pot last year. I went through a road block and the cop stuck his head in my window and he goes; 'Sir, your car smells like marijuana,'" said Banner.

 

"Now, I'm a quick thinker, so I said 'It shouldn't' and the cop said 'Yeah, I know it shouldn't, I am a cop.'"

So they took him out of his car and put him in the back seat of the cruiser. He'd just dropped off some of friends and thought that maybe the smell hung around. Then out of the corner of his eye he sees the cop who's searching the car and he puts his arm up like at the start of the Lion King.

Banner breaks out in song. "Thank you for laughing, or I would do the whole soundtrack."

"It wasn't a little lion he was holding up. It was a little baggie of my future. My biggest fear in the whole world is going to jail and caching it in the hoop," said Banner.

"So I got nervous. I was like, 'Officer, that's not my pot, that was my friends,'" explained Banner. "He says, 'I don't believe you. If that's true, find new friends because these ones are dragging you down.'

 

"I thought like "Holy crap, I'm on a very special episode of Glee."

 

"How much pot did your partner find in my car?" he asked.

About "a gram" was the response.

"A gram of weed is like barely illegal. I find more than a gram of weed in my chest hair after a long weekend."

"I had my hands cuffed behind my back, it made me realize it's time to lose some of the weight so next time I'm more comfortable."
 

He went on to describe how he tried to lose weight and bought a weight loss hypnosis track on iTunes.

 

"It was pretty good. I lost about 13 bucks. It was like you no longer desire tinpans, red velvet crushes, marshmallow crocodiles, chocolates or lollies."

"Yeah, you nailed it. It was too many lollipops that got me in this boat. Just a dandy bad boy skipping through a field eating lollipops. So, people ask me how much weight I want to lose. I don't have a goal. I just want to lose enough weight so people stop assuming I'm good with computers."

 

One day he said his pal told him his girlfriend was hot.

 

"You don't take your shirt off when you have sex with her do you?" he asked.

"Jesus, yeah, I take off my shirt. I'm having sex. I'm not going swimming," responded Banner.

Banner also talked about how he'd been trying to eat healthier lately and had an apple a couple of weeks ago.

 

"I just finished smoking pot out of it," he said.
 

The next Comedy Night will be in May with a whole new lineup. Watch the Voice for more details later.
 

For more information about UrbanXperience, visit www.urbanxevents.com
 

 

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